I Wonder How You'll Keep Warm
by valsinkheart
Summary: Kurt is a star. Sebastian is a teacher. But they need each other to appreciate what world's offering them. Beta: SnarkItOut


The TV's on with the volume on high. Sebastian pretends to correct his student's French test, scribbling something next to some wrong sentences, or changing some accents. He's nervous, he's distracted, and he can't wait for David Letterman to stop talking to that damn unknown skater and introducing the next guest.

_The next guest._

At this point, he's a big name, everyone knows him. At this point, he walks down the streets and he's stopped by people of every age. At this point, everyone tweets him saying how he's gorgeous, fantastic, wonderful. On the other hand, Sebastian has always told him so. When nobody believed in him, Sebastian used to take his hand and say to wait for the world to understand the fact that inside of him there was an entirely amazing person to discover. He would be loved, one day. He was _too much, _to be owned just by Sebastian, he knew it: a person like he was, had to be owned by the entire world. Everyone should have had the possibility to look up to him saying "A day, I'll be like you". Just like Sebastian did.

"_Here's our next guest: Kurt Hummel, ladies and gentlemen!"_

Kurt always told him he felt like dust. He had two possibilities: to be dragged by the wind and be almost useless, or to blow up. He beat too many walls but in the end, he understood how to explode, how to be the one he is now. Sebastian quickly writes a 'D' on a bad test and direct his attention to the TV.

Kurt is gorgeous, but everyone has noticed that by now. When he felt like he was the ugly duckling of the story Sebastian used to spend hours and hours convincing him about the fact that he was _magnificent. _And Kurt, with a forced smile, used to say "okay, I get it," but he never believed him.

He smiles, with a smile that could light up an entire city. Sebastian can't help duplicating on his face, that smile. How could you not look at lips such as his and not feel true happiness course through every vein? Sebastian drove for hours, sometimes, just to bring Kurt seeing the most breath-taking landscapes that America could offer. He never saw one of them: every twilight, every waterfall, every greatest Mother Nature's work was nothing _—_ _nothing — _, compared to Kurt's smile. His smile was the gift that the world gave him. And he loves him so much to set him free, let him go in the world and let him being owned by everyone who wanted to, and not just by him. That was because, for the same reason for which Kurt abandoned Lima, barely eighteen-years-old, he needed to leave New York and then the entire country, and, at the end of the day, who was Sebastian to impose him to stay there, stuck, doing the same lesson again and again in a whatever school in the middle of New York? No one. He was no one. He smiled, took the keys of the car and he brought him to the airport. A last kiss, an _au revoir_ that tasted rather like a defeat and the box with the engagement ring still in the pocket of his jacket.

He didn't propose him. He couldn't force one of the 100 most influential men in the world to marry a simple professor.

In the end, you never win with Kurt. Although Sebastian was used to getting his way, he could never with Kurt. Kurt won all the time, and he let him win. Kurt made the decisions even when Sebastian was involved, and Sebastian allowed himself to suffer. Kurt always held the whip in hand, and though in public they acted like Sebastian was the strong one, no one could deny the strength Kurt had garnered over his years of bullying. And he knew it. They both knew it, but at the end of the day, it didn't even matter. It was okay. But Sebastian should have thought about it, the fact that, sooner or later, Kurt would have been too much for that setting, and he would have flown away. Exactly what he did, a year and two months before.

"_You came back here to the USA after a promotion tour in Europe for your book, is that right?"_

"_Right, David. It was exciting but I'm really glad I'm here, now."_

"_What are you going to do tonight? Have you planned something?"_

"_Yes, I think I'll see my family and friend… I'll go around New York City, you know."_

"_Are you going to meet someone special?"_

Sebastian closes his eyes. Does he really want to listen?

"_Probably my couch, I miss it very much…"_

Kurt always held the whip in hand. And this time, the one who has been whipped is Sebastian.

He actually switches off the TV without thinking. It's unbearable to listen his voice that talks about something that is not him . It's unbearable, that his smile is not caused by him. It's unbearable knowing that he's not on his mind.

It's unbearable knowing that they're in the same city but they just can't stay together, it's unbearable knowing that he'll see someone – Rachel, probably, or Blaine: he moved here and maybe they're using the time Kurt's here to stay together a bit.

Sebastian never really thought about, you know, finding _someone else._ It's been just a year and two months and, at the age of twenty-eight, his life is already routine. Kurt, only Kurt, was his unscheduled program, everyday. A firework, he was a firework. He was a flower on the table when you opened the door, coming back home from work, he was the breakfast in bed with a note that says "I love you" and nothing else, even without a full stop at the end. He was his redemption, because he acted like the bastard for a long time but with Kurt there was no way.

He doesn't know why, but Sebastian finds himself in the shower. And he wants Kurt to be there with him. He wants to be the old Sebastian Smythe, the one that went out in gay bars, looking for some guy to share the time with. Or, actually, he'd rather be the Sebastian Smythe that was able to give to the man he loved all the support he needed. He isn't: his man went away.

It is so hard. He feel like he's gotten off the train at the wrong stop, and what is he supposed to do? The train keeps going, so fast, and there's no fucking way to reach it. Going on feet? Impossible, he's too slow without someone who could help him. Plane? Uncomfortable, so different from the train… Maybe easier, with more advantages but too far from his favorite means of transport. There's no way.

Still wet, Sebastian rolls up a towel over his hips and take the phone. He hasn't heard from Kurt anymore, not since the day he left. _Au revoir _were the last words he addressed to Kurt, and now everything seems crazy and messed up. He never loved someone as he loves Kurt and how the hell could he have resisted a whole year without listening his voice? Or, at least, his voice _talking to him?_ It's incredible, and how the hell could have Kurt resisted without him? Sebastian knows every little news about Kurt, the Internet is kind of full of him. But Sebastian is just a French teacher, Kurt can't know how things are with his life, Kurt can't listen to his voice, on TV or the Internet. Suddenly anger takes the control: Kurt's life's so perfect to let him forget about the man he said was the most important of his life? Was he really so absorbed with his own pride to not make a call to the person he thought he'd share his life with?

Furious, he touches the green handset on his phone, after he selected '_Kurt' _.

"_S- Sebastian?"_

The rage disappears, at the melodious sound of his voice that pronounces that name. Sebastian almost smiles.

"Kurt."

"You heard?"

Sebastian's confused, he doesn't even think before asking:"What?"

"Oh, you didn't."

"Kurt, what are you talking about?"

It's crazy, they haven't talked in months and now all they can say makes no sense.

"I was at the Late Show tonight and…"

"Yeah, I saw you, you were talking about you couch, then I turned off because…"

"There you are, with your usual great sense of timing."

Kurt always holds the whip in hand: he knows what they're talking about and Sebastian doesn't. He knows what the hell David Letterman has to do with all this and Sebastian doesn't.

"Kurt, would you mind explain…?"

"I talked to David about how much I love you and you haven't even heard."

"_You what…?"_

Sebastian can't help himself from smiling. At first slowly, carefully. Then, his brain understands the information, and the smile almost became a laugh. One of those Kurt always does. Who, for the record, can also make him laugh.

"Ugh. I hope it's on YouTube, man. It was a great speech. Improvised, furthermore."

"Admirable," giggles Sebastian.

"I'm a writer, I work with words."

"True." He talks with monosyllables, but formulating a sentence is too hard in this moment.

"And it's thanks to you. But now I'm tired of all this, Bas. The world's just a stretch of lands and water, without you."

Sebastian can't talk, Kurt seems notice it, because he adds,"Okay, we need to talk about it. I'm outside, can you please open up the door?"

_Kurt always hold the whip in hand._

But Sebastian Smythe's always Sebastian Smythe.

"I'll open you up, but you got to know that I'm naked. And I'm going to stay like that for all the time I need to."


End file.
